"The man whom I live with and have been with for three years is often busy. He leaves me almost every night to fall asleep on a couch in front of an unresponsive television set and loneliness. When he arrives home, he wakes me up to go into the bedroom and then falls asleep on the couch himself. I sleep alone, tossing and turning, waiting for him.
I moved to Chicago years ago, but all of the friends I made here have disappeared one by one, deeming me not important enough to make the effort for. It makes for lonely hours full of crying alone. No one should ever have to cry alone, yet it seems the most effective when all you want is to focus on pain. I choose to cry in the shower. I mix my tears with water and make a heartache cocktail to enjoy on my own. They are bitter, but I always ask for more.
I can't help but to get drunk on my own self-pity."
It's hard to believe that I wrote this post in secrecy just a little over a year ago. It is hard for me to read and to know that at one point I felt so trapped, so lonely and so lost. I am now putting it into the public light so I don't forget about it. I never want to put myself into another situation where I feel as I did back then.
The rest of my posts will be no where near as heavy, I promise you. I want to thank you for joining me on this transformation process and all the hilarity of plunging myself back into the single's pool that will follow.
1 comment:
nicole, i was you, two and a half years ago. seriously. i could have written that myself. i cannot wait to read this, consistently.
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