It's Bizness Time

After my last post, I decided that maybe I was being too hard on Biz. I figured that he was cute enough that I wanted to give him a second chance to prove himself not to be a complete weirdo. I agreed to meet him two days later to watch a movie.
He came over to my place and began shuffling through my roomie's extensive DVD collection, finally deciding on "My Cousin Vinny". I inform him that this is a perfect choice, because I haven't seen it in over ten years, so I don't remember much about it. His response to said statement is to start quoting the film.
Quick quiz! What does Nicole dislike as much; if not more than uncomfortable impressions? If you guessed useless movie quotes when they are not needed/ when the person won't understand them- you would be correct! To me, it's just a way to fill silence without really saying anything. Sometimes, appropriate. But not here.
I looked at him with angry confusion and said, "Why are you quoting a movie I JUST told you I haven't seen in years?" He told me because the line was so good he couldn't help himself. Right. Because ANY line from "My Cousin Vinny" is such a work of genius you can't hold it in for five minutes until I watch it for myself.
We curled up on my futon, and I tried to ignore all the times that he quoted along with the movie. Or all the times that he said, "That's what she said". Or all the times he tried to put his index finger down my shirt and wiggle it around.
For the record, these are all things that I find to be turn-offs.
He left, and once again I felt mixed feelings about the fact that most of the things he did in my presence were annoying, yet I was still so attracted to him.

Due to such confusion, I decided to give him one last chance. My roomie and I were at our local bar last night, and I invited him out for a drink. After a bit of bitching and moaning on his part, he decided he would come out.
Biz walked up to us, and told the bartender (who just so happened to be my roomie's boyfriend) "I'll have whatever she's buying me" before sitting down. He explained that he was tired and grouchy and lived up to that by acting a bit like a jackass the entire time. At this point, I was feeling a bit bubbly and was trying to make the best of the situation by playing off his asshole ways as jokes.
He invited me to check out his new apartment and I agreed as it was only about ten minutes away. I was hoping that maybe one on one he would do something charming. I can only blame this irrational thinking to the beer, especially since I have been around him alone before and charming is not a word that has once come to mind.
We get to his place, and it is not somewhere that looks like has just been moved into. It looks like he just doesn't have any furniture, but has been living there for a couple of months. Which is odd. He takes me to his bedroom and gives me a pair of sweat pants to put on and then starts the movie "Tremors".
If you guessed that he started quoting it, you get bonus points!
We were both asleep within fifteen minutes, which is the last thing I expected to happen. I mean, the guy didn't even try to kiss me. Weird. We wake up this morning, he hands me a granola bar for breakfast, and he begins to talk to me about how he really believes in alien abduction.
This turns into an hour long "discussion" of him explaining all the signs that aliens have been to Earth. The pyramids, the Bubonic Plague, the time that he "felt" a bright light behind him and then there was a circle shape in his backyard.
All valid points, I am sure. But as he is talking, my eyes are wandering to his shelving which are lined with books on serial killers. Then he drops the bomb:

"Yeah, I mean I have been to all kinds of shrinks and none of them could figure out what's wrong with me."

WOAH. What I missed in those few seconds I am not sure. But he said this as casually as if he were talking about what he had for dinner the night before and did not follow up with an explanation. Either way, I decided to leave.

You can't say that this girl didn't try. I gave him several chances, and every time he just looked worse and worse. It makes me wonder though, was he trying to come off as weird or is he honestly just that out of tune that he didn't realize he was saying and doing all the wrong things?

Or maybe aliens abducted him and rewired his brain so he would be socially stupid. They probably downloaded thousands of movie quotes in there too, and if he didn't say them out loud every time a movie was brought up he would get an electric shock sent to him from outer space.

Honestly, that's as plausible as me going on another date with him.

ShowBiz

As some of you may know, I was recently dropped with the bomb that my ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend. Although this was a tough pill to swallow, it was ultimately a positive tidbit of information. I was forced to realize I was still holding onto something I shouldn't have been. After some solid crying, temper tantrums, cyber stalking and a few word vomit episodes; I feel the freest I have been since the breakup.
In honor of said freedom, I decided to take a break from the ordinary and risk a date with someone I thought I could possibly like. Backwards, I know- but I thought it may be a good change of pace.

I recruited another young gentleman from Plenty of Fish who is about to move to Chicago from Cleveland, and was in town to finalize some details of his new life. We had planned our date for Wednesday night, but after several flirty text messages had decided that the task at hand could not wait and pushed it up a night.

For the sake of the blog, let's call this gentleman Biz.
Biz met me at the train station, and I was attracted to him immediately. I could literally feel myself being pulled to him as we walked to a local bar. However, I quickly learned that Biz thinks very highly of himself. First of all, as we sat sipping our beers he decided to pull out his Iphone and show me several of the videos he has shot/edited (he's a film editor). And by several, I mean at least three. Then he decided to start in with his impersonations, something mentioned in his PoF profile that I had hoped I would be able to avoid.

For the record, I hate impersonations. Especially when someone is directing them at me in a bar. I mean, what does a person say after their date just sounded like Jack Nicholson from "The Shining", telling you they are going to bash your brains in?
"Haha, that was really believable and now I want to run as far away from you as possible?"

After these minor faux pas, the conversation turned normal and I decided that it was safe to take him to a very sacred place. Oh you heard it right- I took him to the playground. We swung, went down the slide, compared stories of us when were bratty children. When we finally made it around to the monkey bars, I bashfully told him I had never been able to play on them due to the fact that I have arms with as much strength as a spaghetti noodle.
Biz's reaction was to lift me up and hold me as I swung from rung to rung. Once completed I let go and slid down him. Then came the kiss.
And then came another. And another.
We decided to go back to my place; where we laid on my bed, sharing a pillow and Biz showed me MORE of his film editings which made me want to roll over and fall asleep. This is where the most uncomfortable moment of the evening happened... us curled up on my bed together, watching music videos of bad bands he had filmed. Biz decided that there was one of his clients I really needed to hear and typed in www.myspace....
Lo and behold, what pops up in my recently viewed bar? HIS myspace, with his name in all caps from when I did some research on him before the date.
I could feel my face turn scarlet as he cleared his throat and clicked on the link he wanted.
Neither of us said anything, but I was warmly welcomed to the "crazy girl club" in that moment.
He stayed a bit longer, hinted at wanting to sleep with me (which I actually declined...shocking), and then left.
Today I had mixed feelings about the date. Although I was very attracted to him, and liked a lot about him, half the time I felt like Biz was just trying to sell his work to me. I understand being passionate about your life's work... but there is a line. Forcing a date to watch 2 hours worth of your stuff the first time you meet her? May in fact be a deal breaker, buddy.

The real question I have to ask myself is: "Did I buy into what he was selling?"

Museum of Awkwardness and Hookups

Before we get down to brass tax; a follow up to my last post:

Upon discovering the Groom's brother to be a lying cheater, I did what any sane girl would do- fucked with him. This included texting him throughout the day until he invited me to meet up with him again. And then I brought up his girlfriend's name. He finally called me while intoxicated and fessed up to his infidelity. He blamed it on everything from the booze to the fact that she had "cheated on him a couple of weeks ago". He apologized to me and I decided that as much as I hate the fact that I was the other woman in this scenario, that this wasn't my battle to fight. Was it the right decision? Maybe not... but it is the one I have decided to live with.

Fast forward to yesterday...
I have been talking with yet another guy from Plenty of Fish; the suspect in question is a 24 year old accountant from Orange County. We have been texting regularly for a couple of weeks, and although I wasn't very attracted to him I thought that possibly in person things could be better. I agreed to go on a date with him to the Museum of Science and Industry, not as much because I wanted to go out with him but because I have been dying to go to that Museum.
Before the date even started, some things worried me. For starters "OC" was calling me babe and darling. Cute if you are in a relationship. Creepy if you have never met the person. Also, he informed me of his love for nudity. Going as far as to say, "If it weren't for public opinion I would never wear clothes. When I am at home I am always naked... and if I had a steady girlfriend and she were over, I would still always be naked."

Ew. Not something you share before a first date, buddy. Save that conversation until you have a girl roped in and trapped, hence having to put up with your gross naked body all over her furniture.
My gut told me to run, but like I said... Museum of Science and Industry. So I decided to put on my poker face and enjoy a nice day... I should have listened to my gut.
Let's start out with the fact that he arrived to pick me up in his fancy pick-up truck done to the nines with strobe lights, crappy rims and undertow lights BLARING pop music. I mean, so loud I could hear it in my apartment and I could only pray that it was coming from someone else. Of course it was him, grinning happily away.
I was already embarrassed for myself and the date hadn't even technically started. Which is the only reason I can account to the phenomenon of what I will call "Nicole acting like a bitch", which I surely did several times during the day. I hissed at him to turn the radio down as I got in the car. We had an okay talk on the way there, but as soon as we got out of the vehicle a whole new issue arose: he had awkward baby/feminine face AND a pot belly, which he proudly showed off in his tight fitting tee. Talk about denial.
We went to see the giant submarine, where they force you to take a picture in front of the vessel. I kindly declined, but "OC" found this a perfect sentimental moment. He grabbed ahold of my waist and pulled me eagerly toward him. Upon exiting the exhibit, I was forced to look at said photographic evidence of my uncomfortableness... he looked happy as a clam, clenched onto me. You can see the fear in my eye as I give two thumbs up and lean as far as I can away.

He wanted to buy it. I can only think of one reason why someone would want to purchase a photographic keepsake of a first date... and that reason is insanity.
The rest of the excursion was full of us not really talking, or talking and not having anything in common, or me saying dumb things to turn him off, or me feeling so uncomfortable I wanted to hide in the bathroom. By the time he drove me home and announced his love for Nickleback, I was done. I openly laughed in his face as he tried to prove a point..."Haven't you ever heard the song Animals? It's Epic." I laughed harder.
One would openly assume that he would have picked up on the negative energy surrounding us. Nope. "OC" got out of the truck with his beer-bellied self to hug me goodbye and to try to plan date #2. I sputtered something about life getting busy soon. I still don't think he got the point.

That evening I went into the local bar to have a couple of drinks and came home with a gorgeous, 6'9 tall man from Virginia.

It was like some higher power was saying, "For giving that nudist a chance and still being forced to have a terrible date... here is a present. I hope you like it!!"

And ohhh did I.