To Have and To Hold

Last night I was suffering from a terrible bout of Cabin Fever and was about to go out to a local bar down the street alone when my good friend Emma called and agreed to meet for a drink. We met at a bar called the Mystic Celt near her work where we had a couple of drinks and gabbed about life. When she informed me that she was going to have to leave soon, I jokingly gestured to a group of men standing outside and said, "It's cool... I am going to hang out with them the rest of the night."
Little did I know, that group of men was actually a bachelor party and they had seen me motion towards them; which inspired a couple of them to come over and chat Emma and I up. One in particular seemed rather interested in me. He introduced himself as the Groom-to-be's brother and invited me to join the group. Although confused as to how bringing a girl along to a bachelor party isn't considered a buzz-kill, he seemed very sweet. He also reminded me of Edward Norton, which I liked. So, despite what my mother would surely consider a "kidnap-rape-murder" scenario; I tagged along.
All of the gentleman were very nice to me. I had shots and beer bought for me and was hanging out with them like one of the guys. By the third bar, I was feeling good. Good enough, in fact, to partake in some drunken making out with the Groom's brother.
After several minutes of grossing out everyone else at the bar, we decided to get another drink. However, upon our return to the table, the rest of the party had disappeared. They were no where to be found.
So, being the considerate lady I am- I took the Groom's brother home.
From here, I don't have to get into too much detail. But I will say: I got laid. Twice.
He left this morning after plenty of cuddling, kissing and number exchanging. He said he really liked me and wanted to see me again. He left and I felt good.

The dumbass made one mistake though- and that was to give me his last name.

Living in today's day and age, of course the first thing I did was FB him. Mainly because I wanted to show my cousin what he looked like as I told her about my evening. I click on his profile and my jaw drops.

"In a relationship with.... "

Shit. Maybe it's a joke? I click on her name.

Picture of her, him and a child on some sort of intertube, waving and wearing life vests.

Under her interests? Motherhood.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"Hi, I am Nicole and I just slept with someone's boyfriend/ baby's father(?). Twice."
(This is where you all stand up and say, "Hi Nicole!")
Honestly, this is why so many men get a bad reputation. Assholes like this guy. He seemed so very genuine- only to find out he played me so very well.

The next question is, how much do I get involved? Do I tell his girlfriend? I don't think I will...just the thought of doing that is so gross. Plus, she might knife me. Because a lot of the time girls who have been cheated on don't listen to logic such as: murder is bad for you.
So, what should I do? Tell her? Let him think he got away with it? Add him on FB and make him feel super awkward?

I guess I should look on the bright side- at least he wasn't the Groom.

WTF Factor

The ear to ear smiles have officially ended. This is not due to a bad date, or an awkward conversation. It is due to that fact that I haven't heard a word from Ryan since the last time I saw him over a week ago. It is upsetting, to say the least; as I had actually started to like him. What is worse is that the last time I had seen him, he was telling me about things he wanted to do the next time we hung out- including having me stay the night with him.
I texted him the Monday after to see if he was available Tuesday or Wednesday. By the time Wednesday afternoon rolled around, I had decided to text him again... this time just to say that I understood if he couldn't hang out, but wished that he would have at least told me. Still no response. As a last result I actually called and left him a voicemail today seeing if he was available next week. I figure if there is no response then I will have to suck it up, let it go, and learn from the mistake of letting myself have any type of feelings for a guy. At least this soon.

Due to the fact that I have been feeling rather in the dumps about Ryan's sudden silence, I have been trying to overwork my mojo to compensate. Last night, while at my local bar I spot two nerdy-but-adorable men. I can tell the taller of the two is interested in me, and I wasn't far off. We ended up playing darts, talking and holding hands throughout the night. By the time the bar closed, he was asking me to join them at another bar. When I declined he insisted on walking me home instead.
Once we reached my door, I expected the typical "So can I call you sometime?" This assumption is why I am still so very in the dark.
He gave me an awkward hug, smiled at me and said, "Until next time."

I am pretty sure I looked at him as if he suddenly grew a horn out of his forehead as I responded in disbelief, "Next time?" He just smiled again and nodded.

And then he walked away.

Oh! Okay, silly me! Of course, next time. When I decide to shine my batman like symbol into the sky so you know I would like to meet up again. What was I thinking being confused?

I am beginning to wonder how many men actually want to get to know a girl, or if they are just trying to build up their self esteem by getting a pretty girl to like them. I mean, what is the point in putting in so much effort only to say, "Well that was fun... but not fun enough that I want to ever see you again."

I suppose these are good things to have happen to me. Knocks me down a peg or two (because I have never been the full-of-herself kind of girl) and helps me remember that I am still very new to dating. And that's what is fun about it... the game is always changing.

Dry

It has been painfully too long since my last post, mainly due to the fact that things have been a bit slow in the dating department the past couple of weeks. I blame this to the shift in seasons. Spring and Summer are the months that are typically booming with sexual and romantic energy (notice I put sexual first?) not Autumn or Winter. Ideally, I was supposed to have found my mate during these peak months so I could hibernate with them through the cold and dreary ones.
However, 6 months into being single (today is actually the 6 month "anniversary" of my singlehood!) and I am still not convinced I am ready to hibernate with anyone other than myself. I will admit, at this point the novelty of it all has begun to fade- but rushing into something due to boredom is not exactly what I have in mind.
All of that aside, I have been continuing to see Ryan. After our wonderful skype/ first meeting, I went over to help him out with a case study he had to do for finals. He is studying Eastern Medicine, so by helping him I mean I got a free massage. Tough job, but I took one for the team.
After that he was busy for a bit, but I saw him last Thursday for a movie night curled up on his couch. He continues to be wonderfully deep, sweet, gentle and hilarious... not to mention dynamite in the sack. Everytime I see him, I end up with a huge smile across my face the entire way home.
And this is my current dilemma; I can tell that I am starting to actually like this guy- despite his short stature and the fact that my brain wants to fight this feeling with every ounce of energy it has. Call me afraid of committment and you wouldn't be too far off. In fact, I may even call you correct.
When I express this feeling to anyone I am close to, I typically get the same response: "Just go with it. It doesn't have to be anything serious. Just have a good time." Which is all well and good, except what if I do have a good time and end up falling for him? Am I REALLY ready for that?
I suppose I will just take the advice, and as soon as those ear to ear smiles dissapear, so will I. Who knows? Maybe I will surprise myself.

Intensity squared

Seeing that John had given me such a polite and good first date, I decided to see him again. Monday night I went over to his place where we watched the Swedish version of "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." It was a solid film (and I now understand why everyone and their mother has read the book) and afterward he proceeded to kiss me.
Let me just say this... he swirled his tongue in my mouth like a washing machine. Why? No one knows. Maybe it is something they like in Barbados or London... but to me it just felt like a sporadic tongue with a life of it's own. However, I got caught up in the moment. Plus; I am a kissing whore. I love to kiss. So we made out for awhile, and then he brought me home.
The next four days in a row he wanted to hang out again, which I declined. Not that the kissing was so terrible that it was a deal breaker- but it made me curious as to what kind of weird things he would do if I ever decided to sleep with him. Spin me around like I was on a merry-go-round? No thank you.

Enter Ryan, a deep philosophical boy with a funny side from Ohio. We had been talking online for a bit, and last night we decided to have our first date via Skype.
It went wonderful, and we ended up talking for 2 hours while making funny faces, cracking jokes (he is the first man to laugh at my "What did they 0 say to the 8" joke), and introducing each other to our pets. Seeing that it went so well we went ahead and scheduled a second date in person.
I met him tonight for drinks, where the conversation and laughter flowed like the booze surrounding us. We left the bar early and took a walk to the beach where we sat and admired the moon, what little stars were visible and the city. Kissing may or may not have happened.
We decided to go back to his apartment to have a dance party. Now, I don't know about any of you; but when I think dance party, I think of the running man and the shopping cart.
Not Ryan. He wanted to slow dance with me. He lit candles and slow danced with me. Who does that? I mean, really.
Needless to say... things heated up. Seriously, they were scorching.
If you know me well, you know that I don't prescribe to the whole concept of romance and things going perfectly in a relationship. There is no magic. There is no perfect first time.

I may be eating my words tonight...

There were more candles. There was music. And there was simultaneous... ahem... endings.
WHO DOES THAT?!!? I MEAN, REALLY??! On the first time? One fell swoop? It's impressive to say the least...

The only thing is, if the first time goes so perfectly- how could it get any better? And what would I really have to look forward to later on?
Is there such a thing as climaxing too soon?