Last night I decided to join my friends Emma and Nick for some drinks. We went to a place called the crossing where we paid too much for beer, and Emma successfully caught the attention of a guy I had been eyeing. Upon these facts, we decided it was a good time to move on to another bar and we ended up at the ever so ridiculous Uncle Fatty's.
Now, I had no idea that on Thursdays the bar hosts "beer" pong tournaments and has $1 beers, but I was very happy with the new information. I had a beer and went to sign myself up to play in the tournament. Since Emma and Nick weren't going to be playing, I asked the woman if there was any other singles looking for a partner. She informed me there was one and said she would send him my way.
Within moments, an attractive man with a rather large nose (do not judge, but big noses are a weakness for me) walked up. He introduced himself as Ryan, however due to intoxication and a loud bar I shouted back, "Your name is LION?" He looked at me like I was insane and corrected me. Nick, trying to be an ever-faithful wing man; decided this was the time to tell my new partner that I was "Crazy".
The look in his eye seemed to say he was regretting coming over, but he instead asked me what our team name should be. My response was, "Well obviously it should be 'Crazy Lions'." He looked at me to make sure I was serious- which I was- and then went to get our name tags.
Over the next couple of hours we started talking for "teammate comradery, and then we started kissing- which is also very important when trying to get acquainted with your new "beer" pong teammate. Emma and Nick ended up leaving, and after winning two games Ryan asked if I would like to leave as well. I agreed and we went to look for a cab.
As we stood outside, I looked at him and said point blank: "I'm not sleeping with you tonight." He looked at me with a bit of surprise in his eyes, grabbed my hand and said okay.
We got back to his place, where my favorite part of nights like these happened: the pulling together of pajamas for me to sleep in. I love getting to put on boys over-sized sweat pants and tee-shirts, even if they do belong to almost strangers.
Moving on, we climbed into bed where I promptly fell asleep on him. I probably drooled too, as I was that tired. However, within an hour we were both up and fooling around. This lasted all night until 7:30 when he took me downstairs, cooked me breakfast and watched "Saved by the Bell- the College Years" with me.
He got ready to go into work for a couple of hours, but insisted that I stay and sleep until he got home. Although this vaguely reminded me of an episode of "Sex and the City" and it should have completely freaked me out, I allowed him to tuck me in and I fell asleep for four glorious hours.
Upon his arrival back, he laid down in the bed with me and things started heating up. Although I wasn't opposed to something happening, I was a bit concerned as I had had no intentions of going home with someone and in result, had not shaved in several days. So when he went for my pants, I leapt into the air as if he had electrocuted me. I embarrassingly explained the situation and told him if he had a razor I could fix the problem really quick.
And that is how Nicole ended up shaving her legs in some guy's bathroom sink.
What happened next was rather enjoyable and full of enough energy that the bed broke beneath us. I hung on for dear life as I began to slide off of the bed, and then we flipped to the other side, which was now standing at a 45 degree angle. After the deed was done, we did some investigation work which showed that the metal frame had literally bent in half.
In other words, Ryan is buying himself a brand new bed frame.
To end the day, he took me out to lunch and walked me home where he asked to see me again. A huge smile played across my face as I walked back into my apartment.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I should always sign up to play "beer" pong alone.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Lost
It has sadly been much too long since I have had an opportunity to share my dating experiences on here. Unfortunately, I have been working like a dog the past month and have had little to zero chances to meet any men. Unless I pick one up on the train, which is very doubtful as my excessive dancing and lip-syncing tend to scare them off.
Either way, I have not dropped off the planet. And since I feel like a disappointment for not having any new and hilarious tales of romance to share with you, I have decided to bring one back from my past. I feel as if this is rather appropriate as the ten year anniversary of this particular event is in the very near future. It is very possibly my favorite love-gone-wrong story. Perhaps you have heard it before... or perhaps you know him. All of that aside... I present to you the story of how I lost my virginity:
Let's start out with the fact that I was much too young. I know that now, and I am pretty sure I knew that then. A series of bazaar events led up to the actual decision. The choice to begin my sexual life is the direct result of my mother finding a bottle of lube and condoms in my brother's dresser drawer and dragging me into his bedroom to show me the findings (sorry Eric). Now, why any sane mother would decide to share this with her 14 year old daughter, no one knows. Either way, if got my mind a whirling. I knew that my brother and his girlfriend were in love. Did I know that they were going to end up getting married because they were soul mates? No. But as a stupid little girl I decided that the obvious route to make a man fall for me was to sleep with him.
Unluckily for me, I was dating one of my brother's best friends at the time. And when he brought up the concept of sleeping together- I swallowed my fear and told him yes.
He brought me back to his house one snowy day in January so the deed could be done. He led me to his room, which was undoubtedly going to set the stage for the romance that was about to happen. However, when I entered the bedroom I was taken aback. Baby blue in color, it sported a wallpaper trim around the ceiling that depicted puppies and kittens frolicking. Instead of the normal posters you would have seen in a 16 year-old's room, there were drawn pictures of "The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" with his signature scrawled at the bottom tacked unevenly against the wall.
I held in my laughter and sat awkwardly on the bed. I imagined us tearing off our clothes in a fit of passion, but alas that was to be saved for more grown-up interactions. In this particular event we undressed as quickly as we could and hopped under the covers. There was some kissing as a form of foreplay and then business time.
I remember laying there terrified out of my mind. He asked if I was okay, which I thought very nice of him and I answered yes. Then shit got weird. The next words he said (mid-thrust, must I point out) was:
"So, how's the weather?"
My mind raced to every sex scene I had ever watched. None of them EVER brought up the weather. Was this normal?
That was as far as I got in my inner questioning, because out of nowhere he must have finished. I gathered this much because he leapt out of the bed covering his penis and sprinted out of the room. I laid in his bed completely naked for awhile, trying to figure out what to do. Honestly, no movie had ever prepared for me this. I figured he would come back in a couple of seconds and cuddle with me.
I was wrong. He reentered the room several minutes later fully dressed and with his shoes on. He looked at me like I was a leper for still being in his bed and nude, so I got dressed under the covers and he drove me home.
A couple of weeks later he dumped me. Apparently this girl he liked would only date guys if they weren't virgins- so he took care of that little issue. To this day, I laugh that any girl would be that dumb... and I'm not talking about me. I mean, seriously? What kind of high school girl sets standards like that for herself? Oh, that's right... whores.
A lot of people hear this story and focus on the end, which was less than ideal. But to me, I think it really has set the standard for my love life: hilarious and ridiculous.
Either way, I have not dropped off the planet. And since I feel like a disappointment for not having any new and hilarious tales of romance to share with you, I have decided to bring one back from my past. I feel as if this is rather appropriate as the ten year anniversary of this particular event is in the very near future. It is very possibly my favorite love-gone-wrong story. Perhaps you have heard it before... or perhaps you know him. All of that aside... I present to you the story of how I lost my virginity:
Let's start out with the fact that I was much too young. I know that now, and I am pretty sure I knew that then. A series of bazaar events led up to the actual decision. The choice to begin my sexual life is the direct result of my mother finding a bottle of lube and condoms in my brother's dresser drawer and dragging me into his bedroom to show me the findings (sorry Eric). Now, why any sane mother would decide to share this with her 14 year old daughter, no one knows. Either way, if got my mind a whirling. I knew that my brother and his girlfriend were in love. Did I know that they were going to end up getting married because they were soul mates? No. But as a stupid little girl I decided that the obvious route to make a man fall for me was to sleep with him.
Unluckily for me, I was dating one of my brother's best friends at the time. And when he brought up the concept of sleeping together- I swallowed my fear and told him yes.
He brought me back to his house one snowy day in January so the deed could be done. He led me to his room, which was undoubtedly going to set the stage for the romance that was about to happen. However, when I entered the bedroom I was taken aback. Baby blue in color, it sported a wallpaper trim around the ceiling that depicted puppies and kittens frolicking. Instead of the normal posters you would have seen in a 16 year-old's room, there were drawn pictures of "The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" with his signature scrawled at the bottom tacked unevenly against the wall.
I held in my laughter and sat awkwardly on the bed. I imagined us tearing off our clothes in a fit of passion, but alas that was to be saved for more grown-up interactions. In this particular event we undressed as quickly as we could and hopped under the covers. There was some kissing as a form of foreplay and then business time.
I remember laying there terrified out of my mind. He asked if I was okay, which I thought very nice of him and I answered yes. Then shit got weird. The next words he said (mid-thrust, must I point out) was:
"So, how's the weather?"
My mind raced to every sex scene I had ever watched. None of them EVER brought up the weather. Was this normal?
That was as far as I got in my inner questioning, because out of nowhere he must have finished. I gathered this much because he leapt out of the bed covering his penis and sprinted out of the room. I laid in his bed completely naked for awhile, trying to figure out what to do. Honestly, no movie had ever prepared for me this. I figured he would come back in a couple of seconds and cuddle with me.
I was wrong. He reentered the room several minutes later fully dressed and with his shoes on. He looked at me like I was a leper for still being in his bed and nude, so I got dressed under the covers and he drove me home.
A couple of weeks later he dumped me. Apparently this girl he liked would only date guys if they weren't virgins- so he took care of that little issue. To this day, I laugh that any girl would be that dumb... and I'm not talking about me. I mean, seriously? What kind of high school girl sets standards like that for herself? Oh, that's right... whores.
A lot of people hear this story and focus on the end, which was less than ideal. But to me, I think it really has set the standard for my love life: hilarious and ridiculous.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)